A birth Mother writes… - First4Adoption Skip Content

A birth Mother writes…

Published: July 7, 2015

I gave up my son for adoption in 1967 when practices were very different from today. My son hadn’t been neglected or abused.  My only ‘sin’ was to be a 17 year old single mother.  There was no support for me and I had no choice in the matter.  I grieved for him through all the missing years until he contacted me 27 years later.

Historically adoption procedures required adoptive parents to give the child a new name, a new identity, no information about the birth family and in many cases to keep adoption secretive.  This was my son’s experience and it served him very poorly.  On our reunion I was extremely sad to hear of his negative perception, although I am pleased to say that our reunion has been a very joyful, emotional and healing experience for us both.

I currently sit on one of Leeds Social Services adoption panels and am aware of some of the issues affecting today’s birth families. Violence, abuse, alcohol and drugs often play a big part in chaotic and unsafe lifestyles.  Birth mothers in particular are often demonised by society. Despite this they will remain a very important figure in their children’s lives.  A birth mother is a mother for life, whether or not she is able to parent her child.  I am greatly encouraged by present-day practices: keeping the child’s birth name enables that child to retain its identity from birth; life story work will explain its heritage to even a very young child; letter-box contact enables the link between birth and adoptive families to be maintained, and adoption leave in the first year of placement allows time for bonding for both parents and child.

I don’t see adoption as the often quoted ‘triangle’, referring to the child, birth family, and adoptive family, because it also includes social workers putting into practice legislation and recommendations.  When it comes to thinking about adoption I believe all involved are a team.  A child is a whole person therefore adoption has to be approached in a holistic manner and each and every one of us – birth family, adoptive family, and social workers have a lifetime responsibility to that child.

As a birth mother separated from my child I always felt I was responsible for having brought him into the world and for whatever happened to him in his life.  Many of today’s birth mothers may, like me, experience a reunion at some time in the future.  Hopefully they will discover that because of today’s very good adoption practices their children will not have had the same issues my son and I had to deal with.  I certainly hope so.

Jill 

 

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One Response to “A birth Mother writes…”

  1. Can any body translate this for me.. after contacting my local council and their website as directed today i receive this via email….. Dear Ms Newton, Thank you for your email received 14 November 2019. Tameside Councils adoption records are dealt with by an organisation called Adoption Now. I have liaised with Adoption Now and unfortunately as you are not the data subject, you would not be able to access the details of your sons adoption. However, if you require further support regarding your sons adoption, they have provided a number for their Adoption Support Duty Team that they recommend you to contact on 0120 433 6097. If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact us however Adoption Now would be best place to answer any queries regarding the adoption JUST WHAT IS ADATA SUBJECT?? As a birth mother of a child adopted adopted i have been named many things but never a DATA SUBJECT..kinda like i am a sequence of numbers from the matrix 🙁

    i recieved all that B**l S*Itafter as directed i contacted my local council/ adoptionteam/ local autority as my son turned 18 on Oct 17th 2019 only to be told from and vis the official gov wesite aka ….

    http://www.tameside.gov.uk/archives/familyhistory/adoption

    and also
    http://www.tameside.gov.uk/registrars/RegistrarsOffice

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